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I never spend less than an hour and a half on the metro every day, so it’s become a good time to get some reading done.  Everyone else has the same idea.  Coming down the escalators (a two-minute ride, since St. Petersburg is built on a swamp and they had to dig deeper into the ground for the metro system) you’ll see a long line of people absorbed in their literature.  Since I’ve been here, I’ve re-read Crime and Punishment (I still don’t like it, Mrs. Brown) and Wuthering Heights, and the new literature has included Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, The Inheritance, The Gargoyle and The Woman and the Ape.  All of the books have been left behind by past teachers, and it’s been fun to broaden my horizons a bit.  The Woman and the Ape is my latest “worst book I’ve ever read,” so I’d like to share it with you in the hopes that you never read it.

Introduction:  A wealthy alcoholic woman with a zoologist husband discovers that an unusual species of ape has been brought to her home for some testing.

Rising Action:  The ape defies all logic.  What IS this thing??  The woman feels sorry for it and wants to help it.  She tries to battle her alcoholism.

Climax:  THE APE CAN TALK!!  IT KIDNAPS THE WOMAN, ESCAPES FROM THE COMPOUND, AND THEY TAKE OFF ACROSS LONDON!!

Falling Action:  The woman and the ape set up camp in a nature reserve and start mating.  (With some English and Danish lessons thrown in)

Catastrophe:  The ape reveals himself to the world!  When he’s shaved, he’s indistinguishable from humans!  HE’S NOT THE ONLY ONE!  THERE ARE 12 APES HELPING TO RUN THE COUNTRY!  ENGLAND SHUTS DOWN!  COULD THEIR QUEEN BE AN APE??!!

Resolution:  The woman and the ape go back to his island.  And baby makes three….

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