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Hiallo!  Velcome to on-going bllog.  Eet eez heer vere I poot funny sings my stuedents they are saying.

Category One:  Prepositions are Important

-I have cooked many people.

Category Two:  Mind your Pronouns

-Sometimes I want to kill you.  Not you, HER.  But you are in zone of risk.

-Today Sofia use vacuum cleaner and now all your money is inside.  Not your money, her.

Category Three:  Relative Clauses

-“What’s a president?”  “It’s a person who is most expensive.”

-“What’s homework?”  “It’s thing which break our head.”

Category Four:  Fill in the Blank

-You are staying in room 201.  Here is your body.

-You have 10 of these on your feet:  head

-You put food and drinks here:  the fireplace

-There’s a plant in ckitchen of the window.

-A ______ is someone who puts metal in your mouth and takes coins from your pocket.  “It’s dentist or bandit.”

Category Five:  Predicting the Future

-You might lie and sleep very hard.  Maybe you will walk and talk.

-“What will you be doing when you’re 70?”  “I’ll be learning to cook humans.  It’s normal at this age.”

Category Six:  Text Messages

-“Pretty in Scarlet”  Guano Apes!

-Hi, Meghan.  I found slaves for you, they will be in the office.

Category Seven:  Russian Culture

-I no crazy!  I Russian!

-Living in Russia is like jumping with a parachute from a space shuttle.  It can be terrifying, it’s a long way down, but the view is magnificent.

-By 2012, Medvedev will have destroyed Putin.

-Russians are a sleeping bear.  Where there is need they will awake and they will be strong.

-(on the war in Chechnya)  We stopped fighting them because we are nice, kind, gentle country.

-No one in Russia cares if it’s true or not.

-Our company has an exhibition of wine.  We drink for four days.  We are hard workers.

-(positive thinking vocabulary)  Try to use positive language when you speak to other people.  “Russians don’t use this.”

-(positive thinking expressions)  I’m a bit depressed today.  “Cheer up.  Let’s go drink.”

Category Eight:  Gerunds

“What are you doing?”  “I’m stand upping.”

Category Nine:  Just for Laughs

-I don’t know how to save you.

-Oh!  A speaking fish!  Nice!

-I had to have one of my teeth deleted.

-“Why do you like horror films?”  “It’s funny when people are without the head.”

-You go to the cinema!  At midnight!  With no mens!  Oh, morals!

-“We want to cook Santa Claus.”  “I don’t think he’ll fit on the spit.”  “We can cut him.”

-“Are you cold?”  “No, I’m in the sea.  I try to swim, not to die.”  (making fun of Rose’s stupid question to Jack in Titanic)

-My neighbors on the left have a bear.  My neighbors on the right have a chicken husband.

-Many little dog.  Kill kill kill!

-What’s sandwich without sausage?  It’s not real sandwich!

-When the car turn, the dog is broke.  (Irina was trying to say that the dog was steering the car, and when the car turned, the dog fell over.  No animals were harmed in the making of this quote.)

-“What would you do with $1,000,000?”  “I sacrifice children.”  (Igor was trying to say that he would donate money to charities for children.  No children were harmed in the making of this quote.)

-That’s you mama, that’s me son.  That’s you 15, that’s me 10.

Category Ten:  The Essay

I can swim but can’t flu.  I can rung but can’t eat balls.  I can read but can’t make animals.  I can play computer but can’t drive car.  I can play the ping-pong but can’t drinke vodka.  I can woshe my dog but can’t smoking.  I can write but can’t play the piano.  I can ride a bicycle but can’t play the guitar.  I can play football but can’t speak French.  I can say name five animals but can’t love school.   –by Lolita, age 8

…in Twilight there are strange vampires, who are not afraid of the sun, they do not even have fangs.  There are too friendly, but they must be scary and kill people.  Glamourous crap!  –by Beata, age 14 “Why Harry Potter is better than Twilight”

1.  Wake up!  2.  Get up with rooster!  3.  Im have dine and going a beach!.  4.  After beouch, Im going my houm, have shower and drove suppermarket…  5.  After suppermarket going a ceting ceti to go park, to go a musiam, and t.d.j?  6.  After meeting my frends, I speking to they and dreving at home…  –by Igor, “My Ideal Summer Holiday”

Category Eleven:  Teachers are Funny, Too

-Fly, Igor!  Fly!

-You think I sound sophisticated?  I sound like a common grub.

-I feel bad that I haven’t given birth in class.

-You look like a fluffy fuzzy totem pole.

-Don’t mind Marisa.  She’s a little bit stupid.

-In five minutes we’ve gone from discussing my master’s program to how we’ll arrange a dinner party to serve David’s corpse to the bears and worms.

-I don’t receive hugs.  I take hugs.

-“Orright?”  “I just saw you 30 minutes ago.  Did you think I lost a limb?”

-Mathew is rubbish teacher, but he is fittie, so I like him.

-I’m a proponent of the re-introduction of the 2nd person singular into English.

-“He must to go to Hell.”  “No!  I NEVER want to hear that language in my classroom!  NEVER put ‘to’ after a modal verb!”