Book List: On Pregnancy and Parenthood

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Becoming Brilliant, Bringing up Boys, Einstein Never Used Flashcards, Heading Home With Your Newborn, Healthy Sleep Habits/Happy Child, How Babies Talk, Loving Our Kids on Purpose, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, Touchpoints, What Mothers Do, What to Expect When You're Expecting, Your Pregnancy and Childbirth

I know that no book can ever prepare you for what pregnancy and parenthood is really like, but I gave it my best shot.  Here are the books that I read cover-to-cover or just thumbed through and my opinion on their helpfulness.

Pregnancy

The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy, by Vicki Iovine

This book was passed on to me from my sister-in-law, and I LOVED it.  I read it cover-to-cover, occasionally roaring with laughter and trying to explain what was so funny to my husband through my tears and gasps.  In addition to being funny, the information was straightforward, well organized, and presented the nasty details with honesty and a calm assurance that you’re not going insane.  This is a book that I will definitely give to any girlfriends who have a happy announcement.  For your reading pleasure, the paragraph that got the biggest laugh out of me:  “A pregnant woman’s hunger is no moderate or simple hankering.  It is a hunger so ferocious that if the car isn’t parked in front of some food-selling source within thirty seconds, the hapless (Baby Daddy) will find himself face-to-face with a sobbing woman who is tearing through the glove compartment trying to find the peppermint candy she picked up at the car wash a month ago.”

What to Expect When You’re Expecting, by Heidi Murkoff

As it says on the cover, this is the #1 bestselling pregnancy book.  I had a copy that I got from my sister, but I didn’t do much more that glance through it and occasionally look up a specific topic.  At one of my first meetings with my midwife, she advised not reading it because it dwells so much on everything that can go wrong, and that always scares her patients.  I’m not one to let someone scare me away from a book, so I went through it anyway.  It was detailed and had a lot of good information, but the layout wasn’t as helpful to me as the next book on this list.

Your Pregnancy and Childbirth, by The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

This book was lent to me by my sister.  I didn’t read it cover-to-cover at one go, but I probably read most of it throughout the pregnancy, and I went back frequently to look up specific issues.  Everything was broken up really well into monthly segments and presented more clearly and helpfully than What to Expect When You’re Expecting.  I eagerly read each new section every couple of weeks to see how big my baby was and learn about what body parts and organs he was developing.  AMAZING to read about.  AMAZING to feel that life inside of you and know that it’s a little human in there, getting ready for life on the outside.

Parenthood

Heading Home with Your Newborn, by Laura Jana and Jennifer Shu

This book was given to us by our second pediatrician at our first appointment when our son was two weeks old.  His first appointment was the day after coming home from the hospital with the pediatrician we had initially chosen, and after a less-than-stellar experience we decided to switch doctors right away.  Several of the pregnancy books had recommended meeting with doctors before the baby was born, and I wish I had followed that advice.  Still, I’m so glad we made the switch as soon as we felt uncomfortable.  This book was GREAT, and I wished I had had it earlier to better prepare.  Everything was practical, encouraging, and didn’t assume that the reader knew anything about babies.  It’s a whole new world when you’re suddenly alone in the car with your new family and leaving the support of the hospital behind, and this book was like having a helpful nurse coach you through the care of your fragile (and still surprisingly strong) infant.  It was an easy read, and I read it cover-to-cover and occasionally went back to reference a topic.

Touchpoints, by T. Berry Brazelton

This book was given to me by my sister-in-law, and was the most helpful in preparing for a new infant.  Every time an issue came up, I would say to my husband, “The book says….”  This was THE book.  I read it cover-to-cover before the baby was born, and I’ve been re-reading every section as our son reaches different ages and milestones.  The most helpful takeaway lesson I learned is that there’s always a reason for the fussiness, crying, or general noncooperation.  The trick is to find that reason, and know ahead of time what issues might be approaching so that I can be prepared for them instead of caught unawares in a stressful moment.  What I really like about Dr. Brazelton is how he recognizes that babies are individual people with stresses and needs.  It’s obvious how much he loves children and how he respects their boundaries and encourages their development.  It’s like having a trusted pediatrician in your home.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth

This book was recommended by a friend after I sent out a mass text asking all of my mama friends how their experience with sleep training had gone.  I got a lot of great suggestions and a mountain of empathy and support.  “It’s awful,” they all said, “but it’s worth it.”   The takeaway from this book was: YOUR BABY NEEDS MORE SLEEP THAN HE IS GETTING.  Not napping?  Put him to bed earlier.  Waking up at night?  Put him to bed earlier.  It goes against logic, but sleep begets sleep.    The first night we put him to bed two hours earlier.  He screamed for two hours, but he’s been sleeping 12 hours a night ever since.  The book is pretty dense, and it’s not one you can read in one go, but it’s a wonderful reference that I will keep coming back to when sleep problems arise in the future.

Loving Our Kids on Purpose, by Danny Silk

This book was given as a birthday gift to my husband from his youngest sister.  I know he told his family years ago that he wasn’t interested in receiving any religious self-help books, so I wasn’t surprised that this book went straight to the shelf, where it was of course picked up by my voracious book-loving fingers.  I got off to a slow start, even describing it as ‘floofy,’ but by the end the pages were dyed orange from all of my highlighter markings and my husband had gotten an earful about what I was learning.  It’s geared more towards older children and teenagers, and references a lot of lessons from what I believe is a lecture series and several books called Love and Logic.  I am anxious to pursue them further.  The takeaway nugget is to approach misbehavior and disrespect with love, calmness, and creativity.  As I laid down the book I said to my husband, “I’ve read a lot of books on parenting and childcare, and I think they’re all important and helpful, but out of all of them, this is the ONE BOOK I would want you to read.”

Becoming Brilliant, by Roberta M. Golinkoff and Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

This book and the next two on the list were given to us by a friend of my husband, whose mother is one of the authors.  I thought it got off to an irritating start.  There are six ‘Cs’ that make for a brilliant child (Collaboration, Communication, Content, Critical Thinking, Creative Innovation, and Confidence,) and while I don’t disagree that those are all important, my irritation came from the constant reference to ‘the Cs.’  Did you ever see Little Miss Sunshine?  Greg Kinnear’s character keeps going on and on about his seven steps to success.  My takeaways were 1.) Make sure your kid has human interactions, doesn’t get too much screen time and plays outside.  (I could have told you that.) and 2.) Think about the needs of a 21st century job market and what skills your child will need to be successful.  Robots, self-driving cars—there are a lot of things that we never experienced as children that will be a reality for my son.  Maybe even a virtual reality. (I never thought of that.)

How Babies Talk, by Roberta M. Golinkoff and Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

I’m fascinated by language and language acquisition, so this book hooked me right from the start and remained my favorite of the three.  The most interesting thing I’ve learned so far is that babies can distinguish the difference between the language their mother speaks and other languages IN THE WOMB.  This is more of a ‘background’ book – the things I learn here won’t really make that big of a difference in my parenting style.  There are some things you can do to encourage a larger vocabulary, but nothing I wasn’t already doing by instinct.  Babies are going to learn their own language whether you are deliberate or not.

Einstein Never Used Flashcards, by Roberta M. Golinkoff and Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

I rate this book second in the Hirsh-Pasek/Golinkoff author pairing.  There were some interesting studies and results, but the book could have been 200 pages shorter because the conclusions and advice were always the same.  To sum up, don’t waste your money on items that will teach your children to regurgitate facts.  Let them play.  I was never on board with the Baby Einstein programs in any case, so reading this book won’t change my parenting style at all, but it does give me permission to be guilt free about letting my son play without worrying about cramming facts into his head to give him a head start in kindergarten.  The best things we can do with our kids is talk to them, play with them, read to them, and model what it means to be a good human.

What Mothers Do (Especially When it Looks Like Nothing), by Naomi Stadlen

I found this book very empowering and reassuring.  I think it’s geared more towards the stay-at-home mom, but there is a lot to be gleaned for all mothers.  Sometimes as a full-time mom I feel like I don’t have anything to show for my day.  There are accomplishments I can point to like a dish-free sink, a pile of folded laundry, or a weeded garden.  If these visible tasks aren’t completed, it’s hard to explain just what I ‘did’ all day.  It’s hard to identify the caresses, the cheek kisses, the owie soothing, diapers changed, swings in the rocking chair, or the encouraging smiles that come together as millions of small things I am ‘doing’ for my son.  The book had a lot of quotes from mothers sharing their fears, and it was a relief to see that my fears are shared by every mother.  This is a book I’ll be passing on to friends.

Bring up Boys, by Dr. James Dobson

Currently reading.

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Little Library

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City of Thieves, Shield of Three Lions, Straight Talk to Men and their Wives, The Color Purple, The Girl from the Garden, The Joy Luck Club, The Martian

To the joy and delight of my husband and myself, Free Little Libraries are all over our city.  As we found more around our neighborhood, we started routing our evening walks so we could stop at each of them and look at the titles, take a book, or drop off a few books, ourselves.  We’ve found some great novels, and one of them was even used for my book club.  Here are the seven books I collected in 2016 that sat on my bookshelf waiting for my other book lists to run their course, presented in order of preference.

The Martian, by Andy Weir

The movie version came out two years ago, and I’d wanted to read the book, first.  What a wild ride!  There was a lot of science that I couldn’t understand but accepted with good humor because it was presented so reasonably and backed up with calculations that I wouldn’t have been able to dispute if my life depended on it.  It was good for main character Mark Watney that he did know all of these calculations, because his life did indeed depend on it.  I couldn’t stop thinking about it while I was away from the book, and just wanted to get home every day to find out how he was faring in his struggle to survive on Mars.  Several of my dreams in the interval had me growing potatoes on the red planet.  In the final few chapters my baby started kicking frantically in the womb, responding (I believe) to the frantic pounding of my own heart.

City of Thieves, by David Benioff

I’ve read several non-fiction books that take place during the Siege of Leningrad, plus many fiction books about World War II.  I was expecting this one to be in the same vein and prepared myself for a repeat of what I’ve read before, but it pleasantly surprised me with its freshness, wit, humor, sorrow, horror and coming-of-age poignancy.

The Color Purple, by Alice Walker

In my high school, we read quite a few books that are commonly challenged or banned, but I don’t think this one would have been permitted.  This book had a bit too much of child rape, incest, adultery, homosexuality, child abuse, spousal abuse, profanity, and vulgarity to fly in our small town.  That being said, it was an incredibly powerful book and compellingly written.  It was an emotional and poignant novel.

The Girl from the Garden, by Parnaz Foroutan

The book I found was an advanced copy for editing, so I don’t know if there were significant changes made from what I read to what has since been published.  There were a few transitions from present day to the past that didn’t run smoothly.  I very much enjoyed the author’s way of slowly presenting new information to build a final tableau at the end, but it still left me with a lot of questions.  Mahboubeh is the ‘main’ character who is reflecting on the intricate history of her family, yet she is also the character we know the least.  On the whole I enjoyed it and found it to be a quick read, but it could also be that childbirth and child-rearing in old Persia was especially interesting to me at this moment.

The Joy Luck Club, by Amy Tan

This is a book that I’ve been meaning to read since high school, so I was glad to stumble upon it in a Little Library.  The timing was good, as living in China for a year gave me different perceptions than if I had read it 15 years ago.  I read this book more as if it were a collection of short stories rather than an ongoing history of four Chinese women and their four Chinese-American daughters.  I couldn’t ever remember which history went with each woman, especially as it went back and forth between generations.  I did enjoy the writing style, and it was interesting to read about the traditions and adjustments that are made when one immigrates to a new country.

Straight Talk to Men and their Wives, by Dr. James Dobson

This was the only non-fiction book on my list, making it harder to place as far as my enjoyment in the reading of it went.  The most interesting thing for me is that the battleground over gender was heavily described from this book written in the 1970s, and the issues he’s describing are even more relevant today.  It was a  good refresher to read about communication with your husband/wife before my own husband and I embark on our newest adventure; parenthood.

Shield of Three Lions, by Pamela Kaufman

I started out enjoying it – I love medieval tales, especially with real-life kings and queens.  Then I enjoyed it less and less until I was dragging myself through the text and just wishing it was over.  I complained to my husband that a description of a Crusades battle with the slaughter of 3000 people shouldn’t be boring to read.  In addition to not connecting with the plot or characters, there was just so much vulgarity and crassness.  This book has a sequel.  I won’t be wasting my time.

 

 

 

 

Yak Yogurt

Tags

monks, Tibet, Wenchang Temple, yak yogurt, Yushu earthquake

After a long, dirty, cramped and nerve-wracking ride on an overnight bus from Xining to Yushu, my husband and I were nauseous and exhausted and looking forward to getting out of Yushu as quickly as possible.  When we pulled into the bus station we were quickly mobbed by men who were shouting out different destinations.  It turned out that in these backroads of non-restricted Tibet, there are no public bus services or trains between cities, and the only way to get from place to place is to book a seat in a minivan.  One of the drivers followed us, and when we told him where we desired to go he wanted to charge us more than a plane ticket.  We would have to book every empty seat in the van to go that day.

While we were standing there forlornly with our map, guidebook and dictionary, a cheerful white man called out to us, asking where we were from.  Hervé was from France, and he’s spent two months every year in China for the past 11 years.  He spends his free time practicing Chinese, and it was such a relief having him take over our travel transactions.  It turned out we wouldn’t be able to depart that day, so we booked seats for the next day, which gives the drivers time to fill up the entire car with passengers.  Transport settled, he walked us over to the cheap hotel where he was staying and we booked a room, then joined him for a day of sight-seeing.  We never would have found this hotel on our own.  Most of Yushu was flattened by an earthquake in 2010, and rebuilding hotels was low on the priority list for a town that doesn’t get a lot of tourists.

Hervé wanted to go to Dicos (a fast-food chicken sandwich chain) for breakfast.  On the way he popped into several shops looking for yak yogurt.  He bought a carton when he finally found some and ate it along with breakfast.

The jolly Frenchman is the kind of person whose greatest joy is speaking to people and making new friends.  He called up a taxi driver whom he’d befriended and we drove out to see the Princess Wenchang temple outside the city, one of the few buildings that survived minimal damage from the earthquake.  This temple was the Princess’ stopover point when she was being delivered to the king of Tibet in marriage.  This princess is one big reason why China claims sovereignty over  Tibet.  The temple itself was tiny and didn’t take much time to explore.  It was filled with the features that for us had become ‘the usual’: butter lamps, incense, pilgrims prostrating themselves on the floor, walls of scripture, Buddha statues, piles of money placed at the altars, and monks in their scarlet robes.  The beauty of this particular temple lay in the surroundings.  The hillsides are draped in thousands of prayer flags, stretching across the road so you felt like you were walking into a colorful spider web.

While we were in Lhasa my husband and I tried greeting people in Tibetan. Either we didn’t say it correctly or they were too oppressed to speak it.  I’d believe either.  In the non-restricted areas, we found the Tibetans to be much more friendly and welcoming.  As we walked around we heard a constant cry of “བཀྲ་ཤིས་བདེ་ལེགས།!”, which was pronounced more like ‘tashi delai’ than ‘tashi dalek’ as the guidebook said.  Everyone was very pleased and responded with big smiles when we answered in kind.  As we were walking down the mountain there were many families picnicking along the river, and to all of them we waved and cried out “བཀྲ་ཤིས་བདེ་ལེགས།!”  One family beckoned us down to the river.  About fifteen people were scattered on rugs, eating, socializing and playing cards.  Another foreigner was already sitting with them (the only other foreigner we saw in Yushu) and he said he’d been waved down in the same manner.  We were seated on rugs and handed cups full of yak yogurt and some kind of curry bread.  The bread was dipped in the yogurt and then eaten.  They kept pouring more yogurt into our cups, and also supplied Red Bull, grapes and watermelon.  Protestations that we were full had no effect.

Some time later we waved our goodbyes and continued on down the mountain.  There was a large monastery at the bottom, and it seemed to be devoid of life except for a few odd yaks roaming around the grounds.  Everything looked very new and clean, and we guessed that the entire temple and grounds had all been built after the earthquake.  A new sight for us was that this monastery was surrounded by tiny, plain houses, and we guessed that these were the residences of the monks.  (There’s a lot of guesswork while traveling through China)  A solitary monk saw us standing outside and beckoned us over.  We followed him into his home, taking off our shoes to enter the very sparse but very tidy cell.  A TV was on against one wall, but it was covered by a cloth so that it couldn’t be seen.  I didn’t know if that was a restriction for all monks, or if he just didn’t want the light blaring.  The program as viewed behind the lace was a monk reading scriptures.  He had a narrow kitchenette off of the front door, then a small living room with a fridge in the corner, and then a small bedroom.  All we could see of the bedroom was that the shelves were lined with religious texts.  The walls and floor were made with simple wooden boards.  It was the first time I’d seen a monk without his outer scarlet robe.  Underneath he was wearing something that was similar to a jumpsuit in a vivid goldenrod color – a sleeveless top and baggy pants.  Lucas said it was like Americans coming home to put on sweats after a long day of work.

Conversation was limited as he spoke only Tibeten with very limited Chinese.  Hervé spoke much more Chinese than he did, so for the first time that day my Chinese was at the level needed for a conversation.  The four of us mostly just stared at each other and smiled, but we made polite chit-chat about our families and told him where we were from.  We learned that he had a sister with children and that his mother was deceased.  (We wondered if she’d died in the earthquake.  The official death toll was around 3,000, but local officials say it was closer to 20,000 dead.)  Lucas showed him pictures of Montana from our tablet, and he showed us pictures of his family on his smart phone.  The monk went back and forth to his kitchen to prepare tea and serve it to us, and he also presented us with yak yogurt.  When we had finished eating and run out of mutual words we thanked him and went on our way.

We took Hervé to dinner, finding a Muslim restaurant in the midst of home appliance shops.  We were the only customers in the restaurant and were greeted with great interest and enthusiasm.  When I peered at a worker making noodles in the kitchen, we were encouraged to enter the kitchen and watch how they prepared the different dishes.  I can’t imagine an American restaurant inviting a troupe of foreigners into their kitchen.  The food was delicious, and I’d rate it in our top two meals while we were in China.

We enjoyed Herve’s company so much, and it was a pleasure seeing the city with him.   It was a wonderful day with new sights and friendly people.  He was a God-sent blessing who came along at just the right moment to save us from a bad day.  We asked him just what it was that led him to wander around the bus station so early in the morning.

“I was looking for yak yogurt.”

Keep Missoula Weird

Tags

Missoula, weird

An on-going blog of all weird things ‘seen in Missoula.’  Let me know if there’s anything weird YOU’VE seen.

1.  A man serenading his black cat on his porch with an accordion.  The cat was bored.

2.  A woman driving down the street with live birds flying around the inside of her car.

3.  A woman with her hair moussed into the shape of actual moose antlers.

4.  A man walked up to me in the park and asked, ‘Is this your duck?  Or do you know who this duck belongs to?”

5.  A woman shaving her face in the front yard.

6.  A man skateboarding with a cat balanced on his shoulders.

Elisabeth

Tags

Elisabeth, Germany, Munich, musicals

When I lived in Vienna (I love beginning sentences like that!) the following picture was plastered all over the walls of every u-bahn station:

I knew it was a musical, and I liked the picture, but I never made any effort to find out any more about it, which I later regretted.  I bought the CD my last week in Austria, fell in love with the story and the music, and I had been hankering to see it ever since.

“Elisabeth” is the true story of of a Bavarian princess who married her cousin to become Empress of the Austrian empire.  Her life draws many comparisons to Princess Diana:  she went from a carefree life into the confining rigors of royalty, she married young, she was considered the most beautiful woman in the world, developed an eating disorder in her efforts to always be young and beautiful, traveled restlessly through the world to avoid a stale marriage, and died a tragic death.  In the musical, the story is narrated by her murderer, Luigi Lucheni, and the main characters are caught up in a love triangle between Sissi, the Emperor and Death.

In my impatience, I got to the theater an hour early, and was surprised to find that since they’re rebuilding the theater, all of the productions are currently being shown in a huge tent.  Everything was still elegantly set up, complete with cloakroom and lavish bathroom facilities.  The seats weren’t staggered very well, so even though I was in the second row, I was on the same level as the first row, and if anyone sat in front of me my viewing would be impaired.  As if everyone knew how important this show was to me, BOTH of the seats in front me remained unoccupied, and I had the clearest view anyone could wish for.  I’ve watched a Viennese production on a collector’s edition of the show that I bought a couple of years ago (yes, what a nerd am I), so during the first couple of numbers I was disappointed by the small changes I detected, and I was sure that the stage was much smaller.  I didn’t know if it was because it was in a tent, or if the director wanted to make those changes.

I was completely enthralled by the second act.  I loved the actors and how they swept as along with their personalities.  The lead was played by an understudy who did a fantastic job.  Germans are incredibly enthusiastic with their encores, and everyone was on their feet in a standing ovation before the ‘minor’ parts had even made it on to the stage for their curtain call.  It was an entirely satisfying evening, and if any of you are keen to see the show, I’d be happy to go again.